In preparation for Valentine’s Day and I suppose being that I am a glutton for punishment being a single girl, I wanted to go ahead and start some research for an article that I am working on about the topic “Love at First Sight”. So in true “social media addict” fashion I posted my request for input on my facebook page.
Immediately, I started getting comments and inbox messages from folks expressing whether they do or don’t believe (more to come on that in a later blog) but it was a message from a friend, someone that I consider a very dear friend, that set off an emotional roller coaster ride for this girl that sent me up and down through some thoughts, that after some further discussion, led me to share my thoughts with those of you who might, just might, get what I mean when I say that I think I have met the “right person at the wrong time” and the “wrong person at the right time” so many times.
It has been just recently that I have FINALLY decided to believe what God has been trying to prove to me for a very long time and that is that NOTHING IS RANDOM, NOTHING IS COINCIDENCE. I didn’t just decide this, it actually kept coming at me so loud and clear that finally I was like “whoa! Okay, God I got it!” I often try so hard to figure out why something happened only to suddenly dismiss it as coincidence. Then out of sight, out of mind, and who cares why it happened, what happened anyway? Well that was then…like I said, now I get it!
As for relationships, you meet this person, in this place, at this time, and, if you are like I was, whether good or bad, you pass it off as coincidence, an experience that just happens to everyone. So what happens when you stop and think about what these meetings set into motion? What if that simple meeting set off an emotion that awakened the imagination, and the dreams of someone? What if that simple meeting set off an emotion that awakened your imagination and your dreams? What if that simple meeting set off an emotion that awakened the imagination and the dreams that are those that you and the other person are destined to share? This is where my great dilemma and thus the question of timing and fear seem to consume me, and would often leave me just shaking things off in the past. Timing… We hear it all the time, right place wrong time and vice versa… uuuuugghhhhh! When it comes to meeting people, this crazy timing is happening over and over all day, every single day, people are crossing our paths for all kinds of reasons; we must just learn to pay attention to why they do. Many people say “sometimes you will just never know why” you cross paths or things happen and sometimes we don’t, but guess what??? Maybe we should pay a little more attention, because sometimes WE DO know why or at least we CAN figure it out!
After some loud and clear messages from the Man Upstairs, I have started paying attention to a lot more in life. This relationship timing is one of the hardest things for me to “get” especially since I have not just learned to pay attention but I have also become very aware of how much of an impact our own free will has on what happens in our lives. This message from my friend made me realize this all too well. I realized that the two issues I claim to have as my blockades with relationships, Fear and Timing, are really just one and the same; I have a giant Fear of BAD TIMING! Timing is a beast! Someone will fall in love with you when you are not ready… You will fall in love with someone when they are not ready and in really crappy cases, you will fall in love with someone and they will fall in love with you and then LIFE is just not ready! Timing can definitely be a devil that ruins relationships… But really is it even timing’s fault? This is where we get to this free will thing and this is where I get to have fun with what I have discovered with ME!
As for you… This is where you get to decide whether to keep reading… If you are a person, like I am, that believes in fate, that our destiny is set and that God has our path already planned out for us, then come on along! I’ll let you know why I feel like I do about this whole LOVE journey I am on… This may matter if you think like me and just want to see what some crazy southern gal thinks about love and her fairytale expectations of it. It may matter if you have dealt with these same issues and just want another view of how I have dealt with and continue to deal with love as I adventure on in this grand life. Finally, it may matter if you are Prince Charming and you are going to sweep me off of my feet one day, knowing how I think may give you a head’s up and hey! reading my blog may even get you brownie points when you come along toting that Glass Slipper! Ready? Let’s carry on then…
So back to my friend, we had a very, very nice first date. No second date, not because he didn’t ask, but because I liked him. I wasn’t ready to like him. When I read his message to me I realized how much he liked me, he cares about me, and in some way I know he loves me, no he is not in love with me, but I know he loves me, I also know that for some reason, when we crossed paths something sparked an emotion in him that gave him a feeling that will keep us connected in some unique way for the rest of our lives. He knows that I let this FEAR I have interfere with whatever was set to happen with us. Does he completely understand? I don’t know if he does and he probably doesn’t. I don’t totally understand myself and I have been as honest as I know to be about this. What does free will have to do with this? Well, well, well, Ms. Thang here had a very good opportunity, this guy is 100% single, great job, good personality, very cute, and shares one of my biggest passions and that was just a start. Me friend- zoning him probably had Cupid ready to bonk me over the head with his bow and God was probably shaking his head going “Girrrrl what are you thinking? I sent you a good one!” Needless to say, free will allowed me to skip out on this opportunity, I know that I could have stayed, but I felt that in my heart it wasn’t the right thing to do. That’s an example of timing being right for one but not the other, for him he said it was love at first sight but unfortunately and unfairly I went in with my eyes closed and for that I am sorry to him. I can say that I do understand the other side of that, I have also been on the side of seeing someone and instantly knowing that you are meant to know everything about them. The side of knowing without a doubt that God picked you both up and placed you at the exact same place at the same time for no other reason than for you to meet. That no matter how hard you try to avoid, run, hide or ignore them, the person isn’t leaving your mind. When you meet someone, the chemistry that can lure you is powerful; you have emotional, intellectual and physical chemistries to deal with. Dealing with these chemistries is where I feel that God deals us our biggest options in exercising these powerful free will choices that cause us to make or break the relationships that He lets us test drive. We know pretty quickly if we have connections or chemistry with someone. I asked several folks about how important chemistry is in their decisions to date or continue dating and surprisingly I received replies ranging from that they are fine as long as there is just a strong physical connection, others could be fine with simply an emotional connection but honestly in my own case, if I am going to enter into a relationship with someone I must have a connection or chemistry on all three levels, period. I won’t settle for less. I am allowed to walk away if I am not feeling it on all three levels and I have, do and will, because I now know that a full-out complete connection can be had. That’s me, learning about free will and yes I use it.
I have dealt with a case in which there was no doubt that God placed me at the perfect place at the perfect time with the perfect person for me and I now believe with all of my heart it was so that I could learn about the importance of free will and so that I could pass a test, a test that I most definitely failed. (Yes, insert sad, pouty lipped face here)
I feel that I was supposed to be with this person, he knew me, I knew him, he was my best friend and I his, we were on a good path. God worked, we both made our choices and were doing what we wanted so free will worked, but I still failed! UGH! Do I like this? NO! Do I understand it? Actually…Yes, now I do! It took me a bit, but YES! YES! YES! I am proud to proclaim that I FINALLY get it! God set me on a path; He gave me a good opportunity that could have turned out much better had I made one simple smarter decision. The fact is, I knew better, I even told myself to make the right decision, but I still screwed up. It is hard when you do this! Harder than hard! In my opinion it’s like I messed up on purpose, I know I didn’t but I might as well have. I KNEW BETTER! GOD GAVE ME THE CHOICE! I MADE THE WRONG ONE! It’s not that I regret it, He doesn’t want me to regret it, what He wants me to do, is learn from it and boy oh boy I have! I should have passed this test! It was even open-book and I failed! DUH! DUH! DUH! Yeah DUH! Can you tell I don’t like that I failed?
Now, you are probably wondering why a smart girl like me would make a dumb decision that messed up something that she thought was so wonderful. Luckily for you, I happen to know the answer and I love to share what I know! The truth is that I messed up because that awesome gift of free will doesn’t stop you from being IMPATIENT! It really is FREE WILL and should be called FREE WHEEL, because it has no speed governor, so if you’re not smart you will be barreling wide ass open towards whatever you want and you better be prepared for it and whatever it brings with it when you get it. I prayed and prayed and prayed for this person. God brought us together; perfect timing in our minds, in our hearts, in this case Cupid had fired every arrow and had gone to buy more! The chemistry was amazing! Everything was perfect for us but just not so perfect timing in life itself and instead of letting God work it on out His time, the impatient duo took charge and obviously that didn’t work out too great!
Anyway, I will fast forward through the crybaby, lost my best friend, but he loved me part… The point is God gave me choices, the choice to learn about timing by trusting His and I failed. I will NOT fail that test ever again. Lesson learned! I learned many things from this relationship, most importantly that I must have patience with God and when it comes to this amazing gift of free will, we must use our brain, common sense and free will’s super smart cousin “conscience” because if we will pay attention to our conscience we will get all of the hints we need to make the right decisions!
I continue to learn through the journeys of my relationships to never just give up on people and because of that I bring these lessons into all of the relationships that I now have, those I hope to continue and those that I hope to gain. I have crossed paths with guys that to this day I remember things like our first touch, first kiss, first walk on the beach. Guys that I am fortunate enough to, that although we didn’t remain “in love” we still, share a kind of love that keeps us friends and gives us bonds that will continue to last for many more years. I love the fact that in the same day I can go from talking to my friend who was one of my very first boyfriends, one I pretended to marry as a kid; talking to my friend who is so brave to share his feelings with this girl that might as well have been wearing a chicken suit on our first date; talking to an amazing guy who from our very first walk on the beach a gazillion years ago still keeps me smiling and believing in the good guys; and talking to a friend who is one of those good guys who cheers me on and lets me know that it’s 110% okay that I am this girl who chases my dreams and believes in fairytales.
I have no clue what tomorrow brings for me, except that I do know that I don’t get a re-do on that test I failed, that was real life. I do know that I can just not make that mistake again. I also know that failing that test did help me in a few good ways so I will grow from the positives found in it. I know that I am smarter for the future from the relationship that was part of that, whether it comes back around or whether it was just for a learning experience to make me a better person for whomever Mr. Right ends up being. I know that the gift of free will comes with this little bonus gift called “conscience” and if we pay attention when making decisions, regardless of what they are, it is there to guide us. I know that God has us all on a path; I feel that He already has the perfect person picked out for us, the person that we will spend our life with. For some of us, he may have Plan A, B, C or even D or all of the above. Whatever his plan for me, I will now be smarter in using the gift of free will in my choices whether it is love, or life in general. I love having free will, but I also love knowing now that I am smarter in my decision making skills. I like knowing that I will not fail from making a poor decision like I did before. I love knowing that a heartbreak gave me strength, and I love knowing that although I said I would never grow up, a big part of me did! Oh I will always be a kid, but emotionally I realized that I am strong enough now to not have to hide behind walls, excuses, or any other bullcrap. This also means I am strong enough to walk away from the same. I honestly believe that I will know pretty fast if I am on the right track with someone and if I don’t think I am, I will just be honest, no need to waste their time or mine. Free will will be my friend! I will pay attention to why people cross my path, and why I cross theirs, there is a reason and if it is for nothing else but to give them something to laugh or smile about, I will make the best while with them, no burning bridges and no spinning wheels!
The best thing we can do is just help each other get where we are going even if it is away from us. I hope that all of you find your paths. I hope that you learn to listen to your heart and your free will becomes your friend. Start thinking about why things happen and the fact that you have choices that affect where you end up. That’s not saying things are always in your control or are your fault, and sometimes other people’s decisions will mess your world up, but you can decide to not let that beat you. Just remember there is hope and a smile in someone out there. We sometimes must change gears, but keep trying and you can get wherever you want to go, the plan is for us to be happy. It’s up to us to believe it and go there!
Lori RICHELLE Myers
Host, Journalist and Entrepreneur- Living a New Adventure Everyday! Writing & Talking about all things FUN in the worlds of Arts, Entertainment, Sports, Motorcycles and the Romance sometimes hidden in there somewhere!
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